His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
