Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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