I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Houston, we have a blender
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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