Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
