Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
