my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
