I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
