It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
