Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
