I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
