we're blogging at a bar
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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