I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
