She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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