Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina

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  (516): what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina http://tfl.nu/zqnz
  Replies (92) Good night (1236) Bad night (5543)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.

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  (816): I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins. http://tfl.nu/76g5
  Replies (8) Good night (3038) Bad night (554)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed

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  (314): Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed http://tfl.nu/ltzi
  Replies (33) Good night (945) Bad night (2791)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.

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  (206): i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to. http://tfl.nu/oxy7
  Replies (3) Good night (3103) Bad night (572)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.

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  (612): I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out. http://tfl.nu/dz9m
  Replies (16) Good night (4671) Bad night (572)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up

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  (915): when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up http://tfl.nu/inqg
  Replies (23) Good night (3735) Bad night (1463)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

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  (218): Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it. http://tfl.nu/dm7u
  Replies (44) Good night (8163) Bad night (2627)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.

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  (440): I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues. http://tfl.nu/ej4i
  Replies (5) Good night (2875) Bad night (1140)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek

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  (864): I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek http://tfl.nu/7b27
  Replies (5) Good night (958) Bad night (1242)
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  (714): View more from California

  When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong

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  (714): When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong http://tfl.nu/jidy
  Replies (5) Good night (518) Bad night (1494)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?

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  (412): I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask? http://tfl.nu/ymvc
  Replies (10) Good night (1362) Bad night (809)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Twice...

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  (404): Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it? (717): Twice... http://tfl.nu/e2vh
  Replies (7) Good night (1466) Bad night (451)
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  (510): View more from California

  how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?

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  (510): how many people can say they bit their tattoo off? http://tfl.nu/3vcv
  Replies (4) Good night (389) Bad night (1572)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on

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  (360): first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on http://tfl.nu/2woc
  Replies (6) Good night (873) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Where else would I get life advice?

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  (704): Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right. (575): Where else would I get life advice? http://tfl.nu/mfwy
  Replies (0) Good night (407) Bad night (142)

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