Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
These 27 Creepy People Did The Craziest Things To Prove Their Love
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it