Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.