There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Farmville is her only friend.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They have beer where we have blood.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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