dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off