I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
