happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
