did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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