thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
