Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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