Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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