he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
