I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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