So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
