You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
