I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
