so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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