Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize