Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
