Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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