im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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