I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
