was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
