And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dear god my vagina.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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