I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.