ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel