youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low