After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
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she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.