im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked