FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
