I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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