what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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