You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
