so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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