Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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