where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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