He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
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I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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