Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
