Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
