fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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