There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
