Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
