I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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