how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
