i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
