So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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