And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
