totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
