tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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