3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
