I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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