It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
