Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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