Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
