Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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