I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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