I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I skipped work to stalk him.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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