3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
