i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
